Is And Does

do you? no I
believe
I can’t believe
it reaches out it reaches
lover, leaver, same and found
lost and found.

here and well
can you tell the reason
the rhyme it sounds so good
and all the ins and outs
of yesterday
are tomorrow, are fine.

It just is and does
It is and does
It just is and does
It is and does

not up to you
Truth is true
and that’s for sure
i’m living toward
what life is for
i can’t believe i’m found, i found

It just is and does
It is and does
It just is and does
It is and does

Its Love Love
winsome calling me is Love Love
ravage wooing me is Love Love
It is and does

the sound of Love
the Love of sound of
Love Love

i hear Love i hear Love

It’s real, honest….

My wife Linda took this picture while we were crossing the Golden Gate Bridge last Sunday morning on our way into the city from my brother’s house in Novato.

It looks like one of those pictures you pose for in front of a printed out background they pull down like a movie screen in a photo studio.  You can choose the city scape, the beach, the surface of the moon…you know the ones.  I usually go for the ol’ west saloon.

Anyway, if people didn’t know we lived here and that we were actually on the bridge on Sunday they would look at this picture and say, “Sure you were…right.  How many wallet sized did you get?”

The way the flash hits her face and helmet compared to the natural lighting of the background creates this cool look.

It’s an issue of perception.

It’s not like it looks.

My eyes may be telling me one thing, but it’s completely skewed and way off.

It may look that way, but it’s not the truth.

Well, now, that’s deep isn’t it?

This obviously causes me to pause and ask what other things in my life do I see one way when the reality is something completely different.

Sorry to be nosey, but what about you?  I’m not gonna be the only introspective one around here.

What do you see, or think you see, that is way off?

Maybe I won’t be able to point anything out that I’m misreading.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t any.  There probably are many.  I’m seeing through a mist, and then in a mirror.

Things aren’t what they seem.  And, just like the picture, they are far better than what it looks like.

See, we were on the bridge.  Sunday morning.  Perfectly clear.  Not cold.  Not hot.  No traffic.  On our bike.  Linda did snap that shot while we were riding across.  That’s the reality.  It doesn’t matter what it looks like.  Doesn’t matter what seems to be.  Reality is not up to me and my perception.

That’s good news because I would hate to have to rely on my ability to perceive.

I’m breathing in deeply, exhaling a peace that is resting in gratitude that He can see it all very clearly.

He knows.  Even if it doesn’t look like it.

So, join me today in having the kind of faith that sees one thing, but believes the Truth is there and it’s crazy better than what I’m looking at.  Even when I don’t know what that Truth is.

Thanks, Papa….

To Wander….

My wife and I had another chance to steal away on the bike last weekend.

I can’t seem to get enough and I want to ride more and more.

Not just around town but long, leg stretching jaunts into the mountains, up or down the coast, through the city….anywhere.

It’s therapeutic to have so much time looking through the face shield of a helmet.

Thoughts come and go.

Some of them rattle through checklists of supplies and gear and things we should have grabbed on the way out the door.  Others analyze the road, the wind and the air temperature;  the traffic and cockpit display.  They sometimes turn into words spoken to the people in the cars around me who can’t seem to get out of my way.  It doesn’t matter that the tones simply reflect off of the plastic of my visor and become amplified as they return to my head in a condescending reminder that I’m the one breaking the law.

Sometimes I think about the next ride.  The whens, wheres, hows.  I’d love to see the Redwoods.  Oregon’s not far then when you’re there….

It’s a very anonymous place.  No one can see or know me.  It’s safe there.

One of my many ruminations on this trek was this poem from The Lord of the Rings (no, not the movie).  Mr. Tolkien masterfully hides so much of what’s going on and what will happen into some short verse:

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

Yeah, you should read it again…maybe a few times.

It’s beautiful.

For the purposes of this post and the divigulgence of thoughts from the road I’m forced to just reflect on one portion of this poem.

The line “Not all those who wander are lost” sang to me all weekend.

I used to be so into the destination.

Let’s get there.

Leave on time, arrive on time.

The trip is wearying at best.  Get it over with.

To be out there on the road, on the way, was a necessary evil.  God forbid if I ever got stuck there.  Oil levels, tire pressure, gas and snacks all checked pre-trip insured that all would go well and that I would arrive unscathed.

To get stuck or delayed or diverted was not going to happen.  It couldn’t happen.

I was scared that it might happen.

That was then.

I’m not like that anymore.  At least not as much.

I’m starting to get it, I think.  The journey.

What I see from here is that it is beautiful.

Sometimes it’s even much better than the destination.

My anxiety.  My fear.  My lack of control.

Those things have taken much from me.  I should say that I’ve allowed them to.

Maybe it’s peeking at 40, maybe it’s the loss of all opportunity to have control.  Maybe both, maybe neither.  What ever it is that’s got me seeing differently, I’m glad for it.

I love to wander.  More so on my motorcycle than in life, though.

But as it is, I wander in wonder at least.  Most of the time.  Well, sometimes.  It’s hard.  It sucks sometimes.

I love to realize that I’m not lost in this wandering.  My default is to see those who wander as aimless and purposeless and hopefully arriving somewhere soon.  I used to feel sorry for them or offer a hand.

Naive.  Arrogant.  “Privileged.”

The hope of the whole world rests on the shoulders of a homeless man.

That’s really mind boggling.

I think it might be raining in Oregon though.

My rain suit is out in the garage.  I guess I’ll just have to pack it, too.

photo by Linda Everly, late day shadows, HWY 101 North in Marin

What does trust look like today?

Today trust is definitely a place to be willing to just sit and wait and relax. Damn.

I try to talk to the Father when I wake up every morning and tell Him that I trust Him.  I give up my attempts to be the judge of myself and others, I allow Him to be in that place.  I ask Him to empower me to see myself and others the way He does;  I ask to receive and give love and forgiveness.  It all sounds good, and honestly, some days are better than others.  I also have learned to allow myself to be a human.  I’m not an animal, nor am I an angel.

Today trust is being honest with myself, others and the Father.

It’s calling out the lies and not listening to them.

So today its kinda hard to take.  I want to DO something, GET something, FIND something….I’m fighting the urge to STRIVE and try to make things happen.  I can’t give in to that.  But I feel like I can and then I’ll be ok.  There’s an evil pride and soothing masochism in feeling like I’m the exception.

The invitation for me is to take a seat on the bench in the sun, to trust by breathing in, waiting, and relaxing.  In life I’m like my 6 year old son Luke as he trys to sit still at the dinner table or while doing homework.  It’s almost impossible for him.  Yet I constantly tell him, “Luke, sit still.”

I hear You saying that to me, Papa.  I’m trying.  I’m longing for distraction and the calming of busyness.  The anxiety and nervous energy is hard to just sit with.

I think the desire for having things all together is an idol.  When I’m looking at the waves, my eyes aren’t on You.  I feel like I’m sinking then.  But I still look at them.  The wind is blowing, the water is cold and very rough.  It doesn’t make any sense to be trying to walk on water.  Why did I think I could do this?  What if I would have just stayed in the boat?  I’m not this, or I’m not that.  I don’t have this or I don’t have that.  I need this, I need that.  I don’t want this, I don’t want that.  Help me.  Fix me.  Save me.

Its funny, I think, to ask God for things and then just fixate on the waves.

Look at Me.

Trust Me.

Sit still.  Stop trying.

Just be.  You can lose it all and be very ok.  You can be fine without having what you think you need.  Remember, you see things through some skewed reflection and fog.  I see things perfectly, clearly.  Some day you will see as I do.  Someday you will know as you are known.  Until then, sit still.

This is a song by Waterdeep.  I’ll be singing it today.

Hush

by Lori Chaffer

When you feel like the days just drone on and on and on
And you feel like the nights are quickly gone

And on the inside your heart is gaping wide
And on the inside you feel like no one’s on your side
Well, I am

When you thought you could rest, but you found out you were wrong
And there’s another need another battle
Another one more thing that comes along

And on the inside
You hear the fall but you hate the falling sound
And on the inside
You can’t pick another broken piece up off of the ground
Well I know

CHORUS

Hush little baby don’t say a word
Daddy’s gone and bought you a great big heaven to rest in
He’s bought it with blood and put the seal in your heart
It’ll give you the hope you need to get up and start again

When all the things you thought you left behind are still hanging on
And everything you try to do right ends up all wrong

And on the inside everyone else seems basically fine
But on the inside even they won’t let go of the dead and cling to what’s alive
Well I AM

Once in a while….

….I read a forwarded email, but it is very rare.  I usually delete anything that has Fw: in front of the subject line.  I really hate the ones that say “Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw:  Please pass this on if you really care”.  DELETE!!!

I have to share this one, though, in part because it is pretty cool but also because it’s an exercise in humility to admit that I do really care and will pass it on.  It’s a bitter pill for sure.

Part of this Fw: I’m forwarding is a bit corny and cliche.  I’m very sensitive to Christian-churchy language and avoid it as much as possible.  So, read it and make your own judgments about it.  I’m confessing some of mine as I type…..

Enjoy.

Dropped Passes

I recently read an interview with a professional football player where he was asked about a dropped pass. I was glad they asked him about it. He is paid a lot of money to catch passes. He is a professional. He is not supposed to drop passes. I have seen athletes who blame the passer, or the weather, or use other excuses. I have even heard athletes say it is no big deal to miss one pass – no one catches everything.

This athlete said he should have caught it, he was going to work harder in practice, and he would concentrate even harder so he would never drop another pass. I imagine he will drop another one at some point in his career, but I sure liked his attitude. I am now a fan of his, and I want his team to do well.

I found myself applying these principles to Christians who sin. We are not supposed to sin. We are supposed to be different. We claim to be, we ought to be, and we want to be. Yet sometimes we drop the ball spiritually. I am convinced that is when our true credibility is established. Christians are not perfect. We sin and make mistakes. The test of our faith and the authenticity of our belief will be seen in how we respond to those sins.

Authentic Christians do not make excuses. They are sorry, ashamed, and hurt when they do things not in harmony with their convictions. They pledge to do better, they take corrective action, and they seek forgiveness. Real Christians are not hypocrites because they sin. They are hypocritical if they fail to deal with it.
If you have been hesitant to “buy into” the idea of Jesus because of what some of his followers have done, I urge you to look a little deeper. We are not perfect, we sometimes make mistakes, and we betray our principles sometimes. But your decision about Jesus is not based on what any Christian has done. It needs to be based on what Jesus has done.

Christians are not perfect, but we follow the One who is.

So I am asking you to look past our failures. We are not yet what we want to be. But because of Jesus, we are being changed. We are becoming more like him and less like this world.

Steve Ridgell
(c) 2008 Herald of Truth Ministries
Used by permission.

The Luckiest….

I am the luckiest man alive.

My wife is my best friend, my lover, my soul-mate and my partner.

In a few days we’ll celebrate our six month anniversary.  It seems like we’ve been married for a very long time.  I don’t mean that to sound like time drags on because it’s so miserable.  It’s perfect.  We’re not perfect, but this time together is.  It feels like it’s been forever because we are so comfortable together.  I love our life together, although we’ve been through a lot of hurt and tears to get here.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  In the process we lost friends, or so called friends.  We found out how true friends stick with you (thanks, Geri…thanks, Joe). Yet we are here in this place, right now, with more friends than we could have ever imagined; better friends than we could have ever dreamed…deep connections with people that the Father has used to show us love like we never saw or felt before.

We both carry the scars of a previous life.  There has been pain that I never want to see again, but it was necessary.  Those wounds are the anvil on which our relationship has been hammered out and put in place.  Without brokenness there is no chance for healing.  Without loss how do we fully understand what we’ve found?

Our best and worst times have been a gift from followers of Jesus.  That’s been a hard thing to understand.  How can someone, or a group of people, who love Jesus so much just abandon the hurting in the darkest night of their souls?  How can others just see through the hurts and reach in to the deep places in need of love?

I have a lot of questions, but at least I’m willing to ask them now.  I’m not ashamed to not know things or to be fondly aware that I’m screwed up.  I’m not giving in and will never forget that I am a human,  and that the real challenge is the journey to becoming what I was created to be.  I used to be so arrogant in a humble kind of way.  I am so done with all of that.

So, Linda Rose, I just want you to know (for the millionth time) that I love you deeply.  I respect you.  I cherish you.  I need you.  You are everything that I could ask for a wife to be.  You are a fantasy and my reality.  I love being your husband.

I am the luckiest.  Thank you, baby….

This is one of our songs:  Ben Folds’ “The Luckiest”.  There is no video, just audio.

Just around the corner….

Christmas is coming…can you believe it?

I used to try to change things.  As a dad and a husband I thought could.  Didn’t work.  For the kids’ birthdays and Christmas I wanted to make things and have them give some of their own stuff to other kids.  It didn’t stick, wasn’t accepted and viewed as some kind of conspiracy.

Well, what’s a fella to do?  Try again, I guess!!  I have a feeling things will be different this time around…

Please watch this:

Here’s the web site.

Advent Conspiracy

Check out the other videos they have.  Wow.

What do you think?  What if families got in on this idea together?  What if I didn’t use a credit card at all from November til January?  What if a lot of us didn’t?

The tag line they have is awesome:  “Give presence”.

This could be the best Christmas yet.  I think I’m actually looking forward to it for once.

What about you?

Dry

I’ve been dry lately. I hate that. Why is it that our natural drift is always away and not toward?  Isn’t it frustrating that we have to constantly work and push and seek and be on the move?  There can never be a relaxation of intentionality.  But I find myself letting up here and there and before you know it I’m parched.  It’s not this dive into gross debauchery nor a conscious denial of allegiance.  It’s just a few less thoughts today followed by the allure of distraction and a plummet into an arid land where we resemble the parched land we’re traveling on.  It’s being busy and focused on things and duty.  It’s the release of a feeling of urgency that gives way to a forgetting of dependence.

This dry land is a place that’s not far away and it’s easy to find myself here.

I need some rain.  Rain comes from the gray of clouds, though, and I really only like blue skies.

I’m not hiding it now.  That’s a huge difference.  It’s just the way it goes.  I’m just a human.  “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.”  Hiding my struggles was the deepest injustice I gave to myself and I won’t let that happen again.  I had to always have things together in my previous life.  I don’t need that anymore.  I don’t want that in any way.  So, here I am.  No need to panic, though.  The journey to this place is short, but so is the way back.

I’ve been dry lately.  I hate that.  Why does that have to happen?

It’s supposed to rain here on Saturday.  I really hope it does.  It’s been a while and we could really use it.

I wish I wrote that….

I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear a cool song or even a cool lyric or hook or riff in a song I usually think to myself:  “Dang, I wish I wrote that!”

Here’s one from John Mayer:

Fear is a friend that’s misunderstood….

From “The Heart of Life”.  Definitely worth a listen.

What is the world?

What is the world we’re not supposed to love?  Is it a thing or is it a set of ideals?

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

I have a seminary degree.  I’m pretty clued in on the original language.  I’m just thinking about what I’ve been taught my whole life.  The “world” or “worldly things” is so hard to define.  Is it my sinful self?  Is it all of our sinful selves combined?

I can see what Scripture says is in the world, but that doesn’t really define “world” does it?

For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

And then Jesus says,

What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?

Why does He then say,

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…

There are basically three Greek words for ‘world’ in the Newer Testament: one that speaks of time (as in aeon), one that speaks of geographical inhabitation and one that speaks of order (which is the word used in the passages above).  The transliteration is kosmos.

So, what is kosmos?  What is this thing that God Himself loves but asks us not to?  And once we figure out what it is, what does it mean to not love it but be in it?

Just some honest questions, and I’d love to hear your thoughts….