Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

318387_5380
I am by nature a worrier. Anxiety is something that is part of my physical make-up. It’s hereditary. It’s just there. I don’t like it and wish it would just go away.

But…

I’m learning some pretty cool things about my anxiety.

I don’t need medicine for it at this point.  There was a time when Zanax was definitely necesaary.

Not right now.

When I needed it I took it.  It was hard at first.  Admitting that I needed medicine was difficult.  But I was in such a bad place that I couldn’t get to any level ground without it.

Last week anxiety showed up in some crazy ways.

I was distant from my wife.  I didn’t even realize it until she said that she felt something wierd between us.  It was obvious once I stopped to think about it.  But, until she said something I was just going with the flow.  Which, in hind sight, was really stupid.

Because….

I was alone in it….

I hate being alone.  When I worry I alienate myself.  It felt so good to just say “I’m scared to death about…..”  She knew.  She held me.  She loved me and didn’t think any less of me.

Then..

On Friday I got a call from Amy.  It was a number I didn’t recognize.  She introduced herself.  She asked if I was Davis Everly.  I said, “No.  I’m Mr. Everly, but there is no ‘Davis’.”  She said she was with Salli Mae, a student loan company and that I was the co-signer on a loan that was over 150 days past due.

Holy $#&%^!

To make a long story short, I’m a victim of identity theft.  Two student loans…one for $28, 976 and one for $13,100.

I used the f-word about 100 times in 10 minutes.  My credit score is more like an Alaskan temperature reading at this point.

What made me so angry?

Fear.  Anxiety.  The worry that told me I would lose something.  Money?  The ability to borrow?  Security?  Control?

How silly.

Wow.  I’m not as far along as I thought I was.

I’ve taken a step back and have tried to get some perspective.  It’ll all be fine

This past weekend was a not-so-subtle reminder of what it’s like, how good it is, to just let go of all that stuff and just trust.

TRUST.

“I’m desperate for You.  I’m lost without You.”

Father, I trust You.  I don’t want anything to do with my care or well being.  I’m just gonna leave it up to You.  I smile when I just chill out.  I’m at peace when I just let You take care of it all.

It’s good for me to just chill out…

I love trusting You.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »